Day 2

So I had to wake up at about 10-ish to catch the bus and ended up getting to the station almost 20 minutes earlier than everyone else =__= Met up with everyone at around 11:15 and went downtown to eat lunch to use up our free grad passes. Anyway, we got sidetracked on the way there and managed to lose one of us at London Drugs, then almost got convinced to buy some pricey gourmet chocolate (which was really good btw). Got to the restaurant really hungry & decided to order lobster for lunch with seafood poutine as a side. Had issues cracking the lobster & made a mess ): Ate some oyster at the end & the lunch was $$

Then we planned to go to Richmond Centre but ended up heading to London Drugs (again) and ended up buying chocolate.. (there's no escape from it, is there?) Finally we got there and saw a dead rat on the sidewalk and a (dead?) pigeon which my friend said was actually sleeping (?). Shopped a bit, bought a loose floral tank for $19 (I know, but I couldn't help myself it was so cute). At least I went home with something, though. Met some friends on the way home & yeah. Long day. Feet were tired. Wanted to reunite with my Pokemon ;__; Played TL & Pokemon at home & defeated 2 gym leaders (this game takes longer than expected) and still failed in making MakoHaru canon in TL (GDI MAKO STOP HITTING ON MY MII). Wonder if they'll ever end up together...

Oh!!! I also got requested for a summer job interview at the only place I applied at. Isn't that weird?? (and pretty lucky if you ask me) Interview's coming up soon... still don't know what can be considered "business casual"... still don't know where the heck the place is... STILL NEED TO STUDY FOR DRIVERS.

...tough not so tough life....

Day 1

Decided to do this summer journal/diary thing for kicks because I have free time and why the heck not?
Didn't do much these past few days; kinda felt jetlagged after prom from my lack of sleep... Still regret drinking all that coke..

Ughghh.. honestly.. I don't really remember much after prom.. just that we played Cards Against Humanity and marathoned Free for like 6 hours. I successfully converted at least 2 people that night, then couldn't fall asleep till 1pm the next day. Yeah, tough life.
The next few days were like purgatory.. the line between school and summer so it felt really strange. Don't know when or if report cards will get mailed home and I honestly don't really care. Worried most about the scholarship money though. The principal literally took my forms through his office window and shut it. .___."
If they don't send it by the time I have to pay uni fees I'll be pretty pissed.

Also!! Went to buy games for my new 3DS that my mom bought!! The model is the limited edition silver year of Luigi one. Pretty neat even though I barely play Mario...
Went to Best Buy to get the games & exchanged glances with this cute store guy. Kinda looking to get more games so there's no doubt I'll be going back there soon (; Bought Tomodachi Life cuz I heard it was good & Pokemon X. TL was okay.. not worth the hype but I'm still trying to get Makoto and Haru together, which would be pretty easy if Mako wasn't so obsessed with my character =___=" Give it a rest already, sheesh...

As for Pokemon X... there's no way to get bored of Pokemon. Nothing beats it. Nothing. All time best!! Chose the frog starter (forgot name) since the final evolution seemed pretty cool (esp. with the tongue scarf). My brother willingly traded me an Eevee and some OP level 50-something Pokemon near the beginning, which would be cool if they listened to me... >_<

Went to a birthday dinner today. Held some babies, petted some dogs... cool stuff. Played Pokemon after dinner and all the kids crowded around to watch. Felt like my new game gained me celebrity status, haha. Going out tomorrow to use up my free bus pass from grad. Someone gave me another one during prom (idk why) but probably won't be using them since they expire in 2 days.

Ehh that's about it I guess. Idk how to end journal entries.

the boy on the bus.

Sitting two rows ahead and one seat to the right,
he rhythmically drums his fingers on a pile of notebooks
almost the same way you played me Chopin Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2.
The time your ears burned and you kept apologizing for messing up,
when I was so utterly captivated I'd hardly noticed.


The way he delicately folds his ticket in half until it can't fold anymore
reminds me of how you folded each one differently,
how you kept them in a jar, and how I fell in love with the way
you smiled and called them souvenirs from your adventures.


His fingers scratch the back of his neck near the exact way you did,
the times we first talked and you'd get so nervous
your face turned the loveliest shade of red
and we'd sit in unusually comfortable silence
whenever you ran out of things to say.


But once I step onto pavement and turn to look,
I'm greeted by the window's glare,
then staring into ongoing traffic
with a thousand questions running through my head,
and a “hi” on the edge of my tongue
that didn't have the opportunity to escape my lips.



Simply left standing,
wondering if it was really you
or if it was just
another boy on the bus.

Dear No One,

These past few days I've had problems falling asleep at night.
Yesterday, I stayed up until 4 in the morning listening to sad songs.
Things are so different now.
I used to have the love songs on nonstop repeat, but now I skip every single one.

I used to "aw" at cute couples in the mall. But now when I see people who look so utterly in love with each other, I get all angry and sad and sick to my stomach. I feel suffocated and want to run away, but I can't. It's a horrible feeling and I feel like such an awful human being for thinking this way.

-

Dear No One,

I miss him.

I miss our late night conversations. I miss my hand in his and how comfortable and relieved he made me feel.
I miss talking to him. How I wish we could go back to talking like we used to. I don't want him to become a stranger again.

I know it was for the best, but now everything feels so strange.
I know I should move on, but now I'm lonely and sad, and miss the way things were before.

I'm alone once again and I only have myself to blame.

tea.

the rim of my mug

smudged red from my lips

worry draining

in between sips.

Sigh. (fin.)

My alarm clock blasts its exasperating, never-ending lullaby,

but sensing my displeasure, ceases its ringing.

I open my eyes to the sound of rain pounding on my window and realize it's only Monday.

Eighteen more hours for the day to drag by.

I sigh.

Broken silence surrounds me as I walk the streets alone.

The rhythmical beating of raindrops on pavement is like white noise

accompanying me to school while it simultaneously soothes my soul.

I am myself - at peace, at ease.

I close my eyes.

Once again, springtime's popcorn embellishes every patch of grass I walk past,

eliciting nostalgia.

They're like little paper twist ties confining my fingers,

reminding me of all the petals I've wasted last August -

hoping to change the mind of a boy who spoke to me with words

each time I looked at him with feelings.

Those dainty little deceivers had me spilling my heart out,

confessing that he's caged butterflies in my stomach since day one.

Never again.

I take a second glace at those tiny white lies,

and I sigh.

Wandering alone aimlessly through crowded hallways,

the back of my shoe periodically scuffed by students too much in a rush.

I'm enjoying my own company but can't help but feel forsaken

when not one of my classmates bother to glance my way or render a wave.

How is it possible that I adore seclusion, but hate the feeling of loneliness?

Agonizing over the love-hate relationship between solitude and I,

Once again,

I sigh.

All the words that leave my mouth sound so entirely ignorant,

I begin to wonder, maybe it'd be better if I spoke absolutely nothing at all.

It's as if all I can do is helplessly watch her hurt,

her tears continuously raining and staining her cheeks.

Incompetence haunts me for being incapable of consoling her at her most vulnerable.

All I know are tight hugs and sympathetic pats on the back.

I couldn't possibly fathom how much she's going through,

or how it feels to entrust your sentiments to those who could so easily double-cross you.

All the the thoughts I want to reconstruct into words would shatter her heart.

I'm too inexperienced, I think, so I bite my tongue and hold her close.

I feel my heart drop from my ribcage.

I notice it's far from enough, but I know it'd only be detrimental if I tried.

I let out another sigh.

Exams are returned, and I'm fanatical.

I undeniably recall studying my precious hours of sleep away for this one.

Jubilantly flipping through pages of my marked test,

for once, I'm overjoyed with my achievement, thinking, they'd be proud.

When I turn around to see her merely satisfied with a mark eclipsing mine,

my fleeting feelings of assurance diminish to nothing.

She does it so astoundingly effortlessly;

I wonder, would they be prouder if she instead of I were their daughter?

The answer's painfully obvious, no longer do I question my feelings of discouragement.

My eyes linger from pages filled with doodles

towards the upper right corner of the room where he normally resides.

Anticipating his returned gaze, I am unexpectedly greeted by his absence.

My heart stops and my excitement dies.

I sigh.

Routinely and cheerfully, he asks about my day

as if expecting to hear the same old, “good, what about yours?”

But, not this time.

This time, I decide I'm tired of masking my feelings

behind a multitude of fake smiles and sugar-coated words.

Apprehensively, I pour my heart out to him,

and despite that he says nothing, I stare into his eyes and see that he understands.

How completely wonderful it is to find someone

who fathoms the intricacy of feeling too much,

and knows how painful it is when you believe everyone around you

sees you simply as a glass half full.

Who knew one glance could exhume you, could bring you to life so easily?

Although he doesn't utter a single word,

as he opens his arms wide and pulls me in, my consciousness withers

and I realize I'm simply a glass, nothing less.

For the first time in days, I gaze up at the dismal sky

I smile

and I sigh.

Sigh. (ver.1)

My alarm clock plays me the irritating, never-ending song of its people

It senses my indignation and ceases its ringing.

Subsequently, I open my eyes to the sound

of rain pounding on my windows and realize it's only Monday.

Eighteen more hours before the day goes by.

I sigh.

Silence surrounds me as I walk the streets alone.

The rhythmical beating of raindrops on pavement is like white noise

accompanying me to school while it simultaneously soothes my soul.

I am myself - at peace, at ease.

Closing my eyes,

I sigh.

Once again, springtime's popcorn embellishes every patch of grass I walk past,

bringing back the nostalgia, they're like little paper twist ties confining my fingers.

They remind me of all the petals I've wasted last August -

hoping to change the mind of a boy who spoke to me with words

each time I looked at him with feelings.

Those dainty little deceivers, had me spilling my heart out,

confessing that he's caged butterflies in my stomach since day one. 
Never again.

I take a second glace at those tiny white lies,

and I sigh.

Her and I – two sedentary creatures at the back of the ceramics classroom

engage in our morning routine, murmuring while reading papers and glossing sculptures,

quietly listening to the radio when suddenly Gangnam Style blasts on.

Turning to me, she rolls her eyes then shakes her head, retreating to her crossword puzzles.

Maybe today will turn out okay, I think to myself

as I'm helplessly and unconditionally drawn into the beat.

There's no one else nearby

I can't help but PSY.

Wandering alone aimlessly through crowded hallways,

the back of my shoe periodically scuffed by students too much in a rush.

Enjoying my own company but I can't help but feel forsaken

when not one of my classmates bother to glance my way or render a wave.

How is it possible that I adore seclusion, but hate the feeling of loneliness?

Agonizing over the love-hate relationship between solitude and I,

Once again,

I sigh.

All the words that leave my mouth are sounding so entirely ignorant,

I begin to wonder, maybe it'd be better if I spoke absolutely nothing at all.

It's as if all I can do is helplessly watch her hurt,

her tears continuously raining and staining her cheeks.

Feelings of incompetence haunt me for being incapable of consoling her at her most vulnerable.

All I know are tight hugs and sympathetic pats on the back.

No, I couldn't possibly fathom how much she's going through,

or how it feels to disclose your innermost sentiments to those around you.

Pondering whether to convey my thoughts into words which I know would clearly shatter her heart,

I'm too inexperienced, so I bite my tongue and hold her close.

I notice it's far from enough, but I know it'd only worsen if I truly tried.

I let out another sigh.

Exams are returned; and I'm fanatical.

I undeniably recall studying my precious sleep away for this one.

But as she hands mine back with pursed lips and a small shrug

I feel my heart drop from my ribcage.

My fingers shake and the lump in my throat triples in size each time

I think about how if they knew,
they'd shake their heads at me and reply once again

with another “I'm disappointed in you.”

I hate feeling like such a letdown,

closing my eyes to dam back the tears.

It'd be pathetic if I cry

so all I do is sigh.

Jubilantly flipping through pages of my marked test,

for once, I'm overjoyed with my achievement, thinking, they'd be proud.

When I turn around to see her merely satisfied with a mark eclipsing mine,
my fleeting feelings of assurance quickly diminish into nothing.
She does it so astoundingly effortlessly;
I wonder, would they be proud if she instead of I were their daughter?

The answer's painfully obvious, I no longer question why I'm so easily discouraged.

My eyes linger from pages filled with doodles

towards the upper right corner of the room where he normally resides.

Anticipating his returned gaze, I am unexpectedly greeted by his absence.

My heart stops and my excitement dies.
I sigh.

Routinely and cheerfully, he asks about my day

as if expecting to hear the same old, “good, what about yours?”

This time, I decide I'm tired of masking my feelings

behind a multitude of fake smiles and sugar-coated words.
Tentatively and apprehensively, I pour my heart out to him,
and despite that he says nothing, I stare into his eyes and see that he understands.

How completely wonderful it is to find someone

who fathoms the intricacy of feeling too much,

and knows how painful it is when you believe everyone around you 

sees you simply as a glass half full. 

Who knew one glance could exhume you, could bring you to life so easily?

Although he doesn't utter a single word, 

as he opens his arms wide and pulls me in, my consciousness withers

and I realize I'm simply a glass, nothing less.

For the first time in days, I gaze up at the dismal sky

I smile

and I sigh.

(RL)